Description
Warthogs are those seemingly self-assured individuals who are never at a loss for words. Their bellicose behavior dominates all aspects of their successful lives (ala Newt Gingrich.) Neither polished nor good-looking, warthogs have stumbled upon a unique combination of aggression and charisma and have adopted it as their survival strategy. Although these ultra-intelligent animals are self-centered to the core, they do have a few redeeming qualities that make them worthy of business partnerships and interesting relationships.

Little pride is taken in their physical appearance and they are homely in both personality and countenance. Preferring intimidation and bluster in achieving their goals, they have little inclination to observe social niceties. Their distaste for etiquette also extends to their backbiting and manipulation, but they can be quite charming when the situation calls for it. With their uncanny ability to discern the motives of others, warthogs are masters at spotting weaknesses in their opponents. But as is typical of most herbivores, their swaggering behavior stems from deep insecurities. Hostility is a wonderful defensive tool, made even more potent when combined with a quick tongue and sharp mind.

It's common for warthogs to be self-employed. With their self-discipline and strength of character, they are formidable business adversaries. They reward loyalty but have a vindictive streak for those who cross swords with them. Their tempers often overcome their good judgment.

The warthog uses its intense personality to barrel into a lover's life. By saying the right things long enough to get its foot in the door, it quickly takes control of the relationship. As a lover, the warthog is usually selfish but will please its partner if it expects to receive something in return. Ideal partners are individuals that actually enjoy being dominated and the timid snake, cottontail and shrew personalities make for satisfyingly submissive sexual liaisons.

There's an odd quirk to the warthog personality, for it will occasionally fall head over heels for its partner and act like a lovesick puppy. However, since the warthog hates the feeling of being out of control, it soon pulls itself together and resumes its boarish behavior.

A conversation with a warthog can be akin to banging one's head against a termite-mound -- especially when, after pouring your heart out, you find that it hadn't heard a word you said. No one's opinion, other than the warthog's seems to count and constructive criticism is seen as a declaration of disloyalty. The warthog would be well served to influence others with respect and love, and not just by manipulation.